Too Much Bachelor Chili


  • 8-10 liter pot
  • Can opener
  • Cutting board
  • Knife
  • Long handled wooden spoon
  • Garlic press (optional)
  • Cheese grate (optional)
  • Kettle (optional)

Ingredients: (all amounts are fungible)

  • 4x 400g cans of kidney beans
  • 4x 400g cans of diced tomatoes
  • 500-600g of ground beef (may be frozen)
  • 2x large onions
  • 2x large potatoes
  • 3 handfuls of rice
  • A bunch of carrots (optional)
  • 0.5 - 1 whole garlic
  • 1 habanero chili or 3-6 dried "normal" chilis
  • Assorted other last-minute vegetables you may have in the fridge
  • 2-3 spoons of curry powder
  • 2 spoons salt
  • 1 spoon pepper
  • 1 spoon paprika powder
  • 3-4 squares dark chocolate
  • Sugar
  • Ritz crackers (optional)


  • Put beef and liquid from kidney bean cans in pot.
  • Put water in kettle and bring to a boil. (optional, saves time)
  • Thaw/brown the beef while chopping and adding all the fresh ingredients, spiciest first: chili, garlic, onion, carrots, potatoes.
  • For best results:
    • Press chili and garlic together in garlic press
    • Chop carrots and potatoes very fine, with a cheese grate.
  • Add kidney beans and boiling water to cover completely.
  • Add spices.
  • Dispose of all empty cans but one, which is used to store wooden spoon.
  • Bring back to a boil, stirring periodically.
  • Boil more water in kettle. (optional, saves time)
  • Wash knife, cutting board and cheese grate.
  • Once the gases from the kidney beans stop foaming, add tomatoes, rice, chocolate and enough boiling water to roughly fill the pot.
  • Dispose of empty tomato cans.
  • Bring back to a boil and keep boiling for at least 30 minutes, preferably longer.
  • While (too spicy) { add a pinch of sugar }
  • Take care to stir periodically to keep the rice from sticking to the bottom.
  • Eat with crumbled Ritz crackers and/or sour cream according to taste
  • Serve with a full bodied red wine


  • Should provide nourishment for 1 bachelor for up to a week, or all his friends for one evening.
  • If too spicy, serve with Pepsi/Coke instead of wine.
  • If causes too much farting, then boil the beans longer next time, dummy.
  • If keeping leftovers on stove, bring to a boil at least once a day for 3 minutes each time, to prevent spoilage.
  • Once sick of chili, freeze leftovers for next bad hangover.
Tags: life

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